Tales of whoever, whatever

"Setbacks are the opportunity to grow, to transcend, to stumble onto a better way"

Location: Singapore

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Estoy lejos a España para vacaciones!

Have not been updating my blog for a long time... where shall I start? Let's make it clear of my whereabouts for the next few weeks. Well, I'm going to Spain for holidays on 5th to 15th May. R/s wise, I have many happy moments with a special someone since March. But she broke news to me recently that she isn't ready for a relationship yet.. I can only pray that our hearts will grow closer to a extent that will assure her of my feelings during this period of absence, and that will persuade her that 'yes' she is ready.. haha i'm still dreamin'... Career wise, not so much of a progress tho'. I have a gd appraisal with EE grade (2nd highest grade) for the last calender year. I was hoping to get at least a merit award if not an upgrade. But I didn't get any.. i'm still aiming for the GM scheme.. another 6 months to qualify.. And yes, this year is getting busier than last. So many things to do with v. limited resources... totally agree outright that locals are underpaid because of the high avg amounty of OT!

Anyway.. i'm SO looking forward to a great and exciting holidays in Spain!


P.S. the title simply means, "I'm away to Spain for holidays!"

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Dinner and Dance, Cool Dude!

Just had a DnD and I was in the committee. Guess what I dressed up as? What...? I can't hear you clearly. Oh ... you need hints ... The theme was Lights, Camera & Action - Character from Hollywood movies. Alright, I dressed up as Rambo! hahaha .... It was very fun! Not too bad a night. The MC was Hossan Leong and as usual, he provided the whole night of entertainment. Lum May Yee was there, saw my hilarious outfit that created waves throughout and took a picture of me! =) I didn't expect that my costumes will provide a kind of entertainment for the guests and many of them liked it! You don't believe? Check it out!


Got $150 Raoul vouchers from my colleagues on my Birthday, so nice of them =) Anyway we went to Balaclava after dinner. I met Vincent & Choonseng there! Anyway again, the point I want to drive through is that my colleagues wanted to get me drunk .... they ordered Flaming Lamborghini and Tequila for me ... ... I know I can't hold my liquor and I will turn lobster red with just a bit of alcohol. But I knew I shouldn't be a spoiler because it was my Birthday. Top that up with another glass of red wine. That's it ... ... that's was the limit ... can't imagine how I managed to drive to a friend's place for Mahjong after the drinking session!

Well certain 'ugly things' happened along the way but I should keep mum ... ... ehz ... Someone knew it too ... I hope she didn't tell you-know-who! Well, tit for tat ... if she won't say then I won't say what happened the other time on her birthday too .... hahaha

Friday, October 28, 2005


That's me with a sweetie, me with Big Boss, me at friend's wedding.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I'm an asshole

Can't believe I told her "let's be just colleagues, no more than that. (Not even good friends, until the day comes on its own)" ... ... I know I'm an asshole by doing that, but I also know her images and her conversations will keep popping out of my head constantly until a day when I can get over her. The fact that we are working in the same office with her seating beside me doesn't help a single bit. I could pretend everything is okay, get hurt now and then, finally healing in the secret .... But I chose this route.

I can no longer
stay late in the office with you so that you are not the last to lock up the office
go to the gym with you after working late, I know you need a company
listen to your complaints at work and KMS giving you PMS
help you with your work when you can't complete on time or busy
guide you in the right approach for your paper to higher management
walk you back home late at night after all the suppers after gym
get you food to eat after work, knowing you like fries and fried food but afraid of getting fat
drink coffee with you as and when you need a break
hear you telling me how much weight you have lost and how much more to go
tell you I'll be there for you
tell you how much I miss you when you are not around or when I'm away

I can no longer do this b'cos sadly, I know I'm not the One for you as you told me. I can no longer do this b'cos I know there are at least two people out there who can fulfil the above and much more than me...

I guess I'm hurting her by moving away from this friendships .... she told me she cherished it alot... ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I'll rather I have never met you in my life if I know I will hurt you one day... ... But I know you are a strong girl. You will move on easily b'cos you know I hold no special place in your heart before. And the memories of me can be erased in a matter of days ... ... That's why I'm moving away ... ... Better than having you being very cautious when we talk or do .... not to give any ideas to me .... until the day when I know I can forget about the idea .... I can become very good friends with you again ... ...

I'm hurt too, no less than you... ... If I could turn back the clocks ... ...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

No luck in love again

Finally clarify with her. It's only friends between us .... Wanted to do this long time ago 'cos I've been feeling like a toothpick .... someone who can fill up her void conveniently .... I'm not blaming anyone ... certain things can't be controlled .... Well ... time to move on .... Sad, I'm .... Also wondering why I have no luck in my romance throughout... Is there something wrong with me? When will I ever meet the One? Sound heartless and mean .... but it's for the better of me .... This is going to be my worst birthday ever ....

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I think I let myself down

I did an appraisal for one of my staffs a few weeks ago. It was a regular kind of thing. I took the initiative to talk to her one on one today on how she felt about the appraisal, whether it was fair or biased, any areas we could work on together ... ... Well, I took the initiative as I sensed that she wasn't very happy from the sound of it last week though she didn't really express it that obviously... ... it was very subtle in fact... ... Personally, I didn't expect such a reaction as we have a really good and healthy relationship. I must say we get along well.

To get straight to the point, what was she unhappy about? Well... I have not been fighting hard enough for her as well as the other staffs. Their ratings should be higher, and it is a sour feeling to see colleagues who had not performed as well as you (you think) to be rated higher by management.

I had my reasons for doing so. I know each AO will be playing the game of fighting for their staffs, more than what they truly deserved. I think it is a waste of time and I do not want to be drawn into such child's play. Because I know how much I value my staffs and their contributions that I do not want to trade (pardon the choice of word) them away. I also do not reckon that the results will have any immediate and significant effect on their promotions/prospect. At the same time, I wanted to be fair. I wouldn't want to rate anyone higher than what they deserve. And I have to admit, I think this particular staff deserves the accolades for the contributions and attitude towards work. I also fully understand how she felt about the overall rankings... it's not fair. Hey, I'm also a been there done that! But that doesn't mean I'm carbon-copying my fate on my staffs. Upon reflections, I might be using my usual relax-jack style to rate them on the basis that 'I don't want to get involve with meaningless fighting but I-will-make-sure-you-get-a-good-ratings-according-to-your-performance'.

Obviously I was wrong, at least I think so after the dialogue session. All this appraisal might not mean much to me but it does for others. It's a fact I did not view the situations in their perspectives. I felt so let down due to the reason that I did not fight for my staffs for a higher rating. Also, I should have challenged the system for many of the unfair rankings. We shared the view that appraising should be reciprocal. I appraise you and you appraise me back. That's how we value add, else everything is just a nice little show we put up... ... Hi today, Bye tomorrow... ... That's not my preference... ...

Exchanging our precious little thoughts also jerked me into reminding myself of exactly the same environment I'm facing. Our rankings are not that fair either. Often enough, who we see going up might not be the stronger but rather the more articulate ones. Sad to say, I don't fall into the 'lucky' ones. We can only continue to place our faith on Him for guiding us to the paths that we are now threading on ... ...

And the work place, somehow ... I don't find it as fun and interesting as the first 3-4 months. The place has changed. Gone are the many familiar faces, replacing are the akward 'Hi' or a lazy smile to the newcomers. This has a powerful effect of darkening the paths to the hearts of many people. Trust has to be built from scratch and proven to be self-holding before the bridge to the hearts and thoughts can be layed.

I have a feeling that even my manager whom I admire the most in the department is beginning to sway with the destruction forces at work ... ... ... ... Take this as a test. Ask me how strong is my faith in God.


Sunday, October 02, 2005


Well, I am on Cadetship training now. Basically, it is an orientation on the overview of the various operations and planning in the company. It started on 19th Sep and will end on 26th Oct ... Relac-Jack .... hahaha .... We just sat and listen to talks from the higher management .... Boring, I find .... Or rather I was not one who can sit down and listen for more than 20 mins .... So far, I have sort of miss doing my work although life is so much relaxing ... no need to do any work =) Met FC the other day for coffee... ... She said I still looked as haggard ....

Anyway, above is a picture taken in Ocean City, Maryland. Rare yet beautiful shot ... hey, don't say I'm cheeky .... Appreciate the beauty of the picture, not to imagine wildy on the intentions!

Super Duper Longest Weekend

Okay, I think it was the longest stretching weekend I had right after I came back from the US trip. It was Jas birthday on Sun and she was giving a treat to a few of us on Sat. (Oh, did i mention she looked stunning good in her outfit that day?) It coincided with the Alley perenial Mid-Autumn outing, playing lanterns. Can you imagine Jas & Lindah were laughing at me for still playing lanterns at my age? Hey. what's wrong .... hahaha ... Back to the topic, we had dinner at Swensen and then headed to Balaclava. Jas wanted to drink ... ... i think she wanted to get drunk, erm ... I mean 'high' ... I think she should drink with Hippo if there's a chance... ... Anyway, I left after the dinner to meet up with Alley friends afterall, I haven't seen most of them for a very long time. Went back to meet Jas and friends again at Balaclava after the session. Well, she drank alot that night ... Wanted to send her home before sending Angie since she was a bit on the high but not drunk yet. She said she wanted to calm down first before going home. So I sent Angie home first instead. Later we headed to East Coast and sat down at the breakwaters until 6 when the sky looked like it was going to pour. After sending her home, I changed my clothes immediately to rush to another friend's place 'cos I promised to be one of his brothers for his wedding! And so as tired as I was, I had to force myself to stay awake the whole day... Thanks God I managed to catch a 2 hrs of sleep in between... Near the end of the dinner, got a SMS from Jas saying if I wanted to play lanterns ... since it was Mid-Autumn and happened to be her birthday... ... Really an irony ... what does a woman want really .... I can't fathom .... I asked her beforehand if she wanted to go anywhere on her birthday, she said No. Then when she found out that I had a wedding function (I purposely kept it from her, thinking I will spend the day with her by not going for the dinner itself). She told me to attend it, no excuse. Yet she asked me to play lanterns .... arghhh .... I can't take it. It's too much for my heart. Hey, in fact I called her when I was in US if I can bring her out on her birthday and she said Yes 'cos she had no dates... .... but to confirm again ... So you guessed it, the confirmation was No... .... Any advice, friends out there?

Post New York trip

Alright, it's time to update my blog... got a complain from FC that I have not been doing it dutifully. So here it is, beginning with some pictures taken from my trip in US. (Top: Kathy, Me and Meena, Bottom: Me in Lost River Gouge). The trip was great! The 18 hrs of flight were not as unbearable thanks to SQ A345 =) Where have I been to? Oh, I reached there around 5-6 in the evening and Thomas was there to fetch me to his friend's place in New York. We stayed at Meena's house and woke up early for our road trip to White Mountain. On the route, well not really, with a bit of detour, we picked up Meena's friends, Kathy who joined us. Basically to cut it short, we enjoyed the natural scenary in White Mountain and went up Mount Washington, the highest point in the northeast region of US. We stayed in White Mountain for 2 nights and then went back to Philly. Took a day to tour Philly and then went to DC Washington for 2 days. Went back to Philly to relax for a day and couldn't believe I actually went for a jog with Thomas. Guess where we jog to? To the Museum of Arts where the movie Rocky was shoot! Awesome! Hmm... where else did I go to? Well, I remembered Ocean City, Maryland, where I got my 'chao-tar' look .... Also, not forgetting to mention we went to Six Flags in New Jersey. Took the Kingda Ka, the fastest and highest roller coaster ride in the world! How about that, huh? Finally, spent my last 2 days in New York as the finale .... haha ... Question is, where is my next trip?! Anyway, I took a lot of pictures... ... can't possibly post it here ... hahaha =p