Tales of whoever, whatever

"Setbacks are the opportunity to grow, to transcend, to stumble onto a better way"

Name:
Location: Singapore

Thursday, May 26, 2005

At 3-0 at halftime, how would you rate Liverpool chance of emerging victorious?

0-5%. Exactly! Liverpool was trailing AC Milan by 3 goals at halftime in the champions league final. Who would have the courage and confidence to stand firm with the trailing team in winning the match?

I learned something from the Liverpudians. Anything is possible when the outcome is still to be decided! Regardless. I felt so much better after getting some quality sleep. In my case, it is the BELIEF that "anything is still possible when the outcome is yet to be decided" I must behold, firmly. This is not enough. I have to come up with a STRATEGY to achieve my aims. And follow up with ACTIONS. The FEEDBACKS will tell me if my strategy is working.

My yesterday's belief was weak and limiting, but not now.

My yesterday's strategy was non-existing due to the limiting belief.

What actions could possibly follow then?

Time to go back to the roots and ask myself the CORRECT questions!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Armageddon in my world

The rain that started from last night to this morning was for me. How apt is that! As my world began to fold in, armageddon soon took over today. I understand all that my colleague was telling me yesterday now. I can tell that she really likes that guy. I don't know the other way round but it should be mutual. I can also feel that she is bridging a distance between us. Maybe I am too sensitive.

Anyway, really grateful to those who have encouraged and shown concerns to me. My mood for these past 2 days were bad to the core. I didn't show that in the office but somehow, there would be tell-tales signs here and there. I must get back to the normal me... ... at least the normal behaviour... the fun jokester around... and get to sleep, really.

S.N.I.O.P

A really mix and lost day... even my colleagues could sense my 180 degrees change of mood on both halves of the day, yet I felt my mood was lousy all the way. J took off-in-lieu in the morning. Once I started getting to work back from lunch, my general staffs were teasing me. "What a change of mood! You were so listless in the morning but so energetic now" Actually I had only 2 hrs of sleep the night before... I didn't tell them that... I was in no mood for any entertaintment, partly I was busy. But the kick in the tooth came from the many exhanges of SMS with another colleague who went with J to Kuching. I came to know of the "bad news". Okay, I put in the double quotes myself... ... These are just some extracts of our exchanges ....

N: Bad news. She likes that sarawak guy. Nice guy too, that was.
I asked if that's what J told her.
N: Sort of told me. Too bad for u...
That guy likes her too?
N: I think so lar... But of course he didn't tell me anything...
How do you rate my chances?
N: 0 to 5 percent for now.
My heart jumped out... Are they together?
N: Not yet. Seems more of geographical reasons.
She advises me to "leave her alone" at this point.
N: Stop thinking about it lah. I think she would be really missing him in the next two weeks at least. The feeling looks mutual. And the guy is musically talented.
I know how it feels to vision the world crashing right before one... It was a stab in the heart and the brain is momentarily lost in twilight zone.

I didn't feel like eating with anyone associated to the office, to plug the gap in my wounds... temporarily. I asked CJ. Fortunately, he could accompany me for lunch. Thanks Bro, though you had absolutely no idea of the reasons I got you.

I hate to admit... that guy from Sarawak is indeed a girls-magnet. But I am sure most of us have heard of the race between the rabbit and the tortoise. The tortoise has also 0 to 5% at the beginning of the race. When the action begins and the drama comes in, anything can happen... The tortoise wins the race with a happy ending =) Man proposes and God disposes.

S.N.I.O.P

Friday, May 20, 2005

What does not kill me can only make me stronger

Got a lousy day that will make me reflect to make me a better person. Feeling so down at the end of the day. The never ending pile of work on my desk, the lorn feeling I had towards the end of the day and so on ... ...

Let's talk about work first. Just received a bomb shell from my manager that there is going to be a Steering Committee meeting next Friday. And she only returned the vetted minutes today which I had long sent her about 2 months ago. She had the cheek to send me an email saying that in future to remind her when the minutes sent to her for vetting have lapsed for a week. I had reminded her before and she said "this SC meeting is quarterly, leave it first" .... Women .... their mood can change in an instant. Now I have to handle this delicately on top of another super high priority project. This is REALLY s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g.

Perhaps, the final hit on the nail to my lorness is that she is going to Kuching tomorrow with another female colleague. Both are taking half day leave on Friday and Tuesday, returning on Monday evening. She has a guy friend over there who would bring them around. The other colleague also has a friend in Kuching. I can't help but think that she is on very close terms with this guy and I don't know why I have the idea that this guy has the talents that captivate her. Well, I have been finding a chance to express my feelings to her. Maybe today. She went to the gym after work. She had arranged with her friend. She did ask me whether I was going gym. I wanted to... But thinking of the pile of work screaming at me that it's about time, I had to say I got to finish up some work. In the end, I did go to the gym, didn't see her, saw my boss instead... She went to the other branch. I went back to the office after a short work out. Afterall, I felt my strength draining off each second I think about tomorrow work, about my lack of courage to express my feelings to her, about how she really feels for me .... Will it be too late by the time I muster my courage? Too late by the time she comes back from the trip? Perhaps it is not the courage to express my feelings that I lack, it is the courage to face the fear of rejection... What would happen if I decide to go ahead? What would happen if I stay put? What would not happen if I decide to go ahead? What would not happen if I stay put? I know what I should do now....

Monday, May 16, 2005

FF & SAIC

Just joined Fitness First a few days ago. Time to do some serious workout. The rate is expensive I know, so don't ask me why I join in the first place... ...

Today was the SAIC. Goodness, it was the first time I went to turf club in the owner's lounge and also the first time I bet on horse racing. Well, bet a little to get the atmosphere... lost about $35. I only won one race, race 5, on World Airlines. A pity the payout was very low. Overall, it was fun. It was betting & eating dinner buffet from 6pm onwards. Feel so good. Oh, it was the first time I wore a suit for an event too. Seems that there were many first times...

Thursday, May 12, 2005

The phone call

Just had my 1st business meeting where the CEO announced the company performance for the past FY and bonus for the year. As expected after hearing all the insider information, we got a 4 months bonus, that means I would get about slightly more than 2 months (pro-rated). Yeah...

Anyway, I feel that so much things have happened emotionally for the past few days. Maybe I was too sensitive, I felt that another colleague was going after her... or maybe he was just too nice to all the girls and ladies in the office. I don't think he is that a threat but it is unlike me to underestimate my opponent... ... Despite the whole office (including the general staff & managers! I think) knowing that something is going on between us (thanks to another colleague who caught us outside & maybe a few of my small actions observed by many), I had a feeling he was forcing straight into the race (openly?). But something happened tonight that makes me feel better.

After listening to the speeches, we proceeded to help ourselves with the dinner buffet. She wasn't mingling with the office colleagues during our meal. I saw her with her friend whom she introduced earlier on. At a time when we decided to leave, all along I was keeping watch of her location, and as I was looking for her to say 'bye', she was looking in our directions as well. We waved to each other. Upon reaching home, I wanted to message her after my bath. But she messaged me first, saying that she had to entertain an old friend as they seldom meet. I told her I understand that... yes, I truly do.

Then she called my handphone & chatted a few minutes. She had to help her mum with something. Said she would call my house and she did. We chatted for very long as I listened to her complaints with her work. So happy... ... I mean not with her complains, but to me this was a big step forward... ... okay, I wrote a long blog just to express that I'm damn happy tonight. =]