Tales of whoever, whatever

"Setbacks are the opportunity to grow, to transcend, to stumble onto a better way"

Location: Singapore

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Nice evening for chatting

My eyes were very dry the whole day... I don't reckon it was due to insufficient sleep. I think it was due to the air-con last night.... Anyway, I manage to breathe alot easier compared to last week... ... phew .... Nothing much really happened in the office except that the boss was in a good mood. He was chatting with us happily during lunch... And my manager was quite protective of me as well I sensed .... I guess she realised I had too much work recently... especially when I have to cover for my colleague who was on MC for more than a week. But the work load never ends there .... it keeps coming at you ..... when you think it's over .... gotcha! Okay, I have over animated it. Things are not that bad ... I just think I need a new challenge .... though I'm here for only 9 months. I think I have done quite a good job.

After work, Jasmine and I went to have coffees and cake at Coffee Bean. She treated me to coffee and I treated the cake. She said I was cheapo... as usual ... always nasty to me. She asked if it was enough and I didn't eat much for lunch. Asked if I had things to eat at home. I was not stupid okay ... So I asked if she want to have dinner somewhere.... She wanted KFC ... rather the original recipe and fries from Mc... So we went to Singpost. I got the 3 piece chickens, 2 crispy 1 original. She got the fries from Mc, 1 twister 1 normal ... goodness .... to much fries lah .... But do you realised the KFC meat of original is tougher than crispy? She didn't believe until she tasted it. We were actually quite full after the drink at coffee bean ... haha ... Noticed she kept stretching her back in the office ... told her to drink more milk. So we went to NTUC to buy milk and some snacks .... As usual, she asked me to buy some snacks to bring to office but asked me to buy only those she wanted! Okay lor ... I eat anything ... haha ....

Then we sat outside the coffee bean and chatted til 11 plus when I walked her home. She told me alot of her experiences and lifes in US... Make me see another side of her and know her better... =) She also mentioned briefly on her belief in religion and stuff besides matters in work.... What she wants to do etc .... Shall I call it a get-to-know-Jasmine session?

But I had also said something I shouldn't say .... shooting myself in the foot ... something indirect comparison b/w she and Jaymee ... she said with an offended expression that I didn't have to be so honest .... bang bang ... bang bang .... but she didn't know what I intended to say was that she is prettier and more capable in my eyes.

Wanted to put down many other things that happened for the day but was too tired and I believe you are tired as well reading such a long blog!

Monday, August 29, 2005

Bits and Pieces

I have been too stretched by work for the past 2 weeks. My colleague got dengue fever and had a super duper long MC, not that it's her fault. Now she is telling me that she is afraid of coming back to work due to the fact that I am going for holidays for 2 weeks and thereafter another month long of course. She is Pisces so that might explain her low self-esteem of not being able to cope... ... I think she belongs to the procastinator and is an escapist from reality type of person. A sad thing that she is a scholar and is bonded for another 2 years. She expresses her wish to teach in MOE. Well, I can understand her feelings... We REALLY do alot of work, but our contributions are not really being appreciated by the Big Boss. We are faced with the stress and work load, but we still get the same salary and less recognition. And with only 2 people (she and me) doing the jobs we are doing? Trust me, that is barely enough as we are struggling. And I think both of us have done a great job. Put another colleague in my job and I bet that person will drop dead. Put me in another colleague's position and I will excel. At least I believe in myself =)

Treated Fengcai to Jack's place near Heeren last Thursday. It was for her birthday and I didn't get any gift for her. She said the gift I had given her last year was good enough. I know. She is just being herself, nice! And she said I looked very haggard since I started working. I guess it is true. Damn ... even if the going is tough and the tough gets going, I shall not show it.

Anyway, Jasmine almost broke down on Friday. It was lunch hours and we were still in office. Just when I received a SMS, the other 3 girls (Kai, Renee and SG) came over to jio me for lunch. I said okay and I asked Jasmine. She declined. On the way down, I read the SMS. Fuck me! She wanted to lunch with me somewhere more quiet. She didn't want any crowd because she needed some peace to recollect her thoughts. I called her if she was okay and I could accompany her. But she asked me to go ahead with the girls instead since I was already with them. And sometime after lunch, she was in my cubicle and I could see her tears welling up. She could cry anytime but she held on. Strong girl she is .... .... I do admire her character. She wanted me to tell her a joke on the spot. So you can judge how much she was suffering. She was having a rough day due to some STUPID change in procedures in her job responsibility and she was overwhelmed by the sudden unnecessary load. Office politics probably played a part too... Anyway, I couldn't interfere as I wasn't in her team. So what I did was to get SG who was in her team to give her some support when the "bad old auntie" was talking rubbish non-stop that she would get used to it blah blah blah.... She really couldn't take it... I was so near to her yet I couldn't help much...

After work, we went to eat at Lau Pat Sat. And there she let it out her frustrations and unhappiness as I listened... ... I hope it made her feel better... At the gym, I can still sense she was still bothered a bit. So we went to Cineleisure. We played the table soccer that she loves so much (she used to play it often in US and she claimed she was very good in defending!). Well it was even as we played 2 games. C'mon, I had to let her win one game, shouldn't I? And we watched Wedding Crashers. I was glad we watched that because it was damn funny! Thanks to Bernie who recommended this show. She had a lot of laughs during the 2 hours =) After the show, I thought I sense she was feeling much better. And I truly hope so!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My Life is in a Mess

well .... got another of those lousy feelings for today .... at the end of the day, I just felt like I m a mess. It seems that things are looking good for me at work and at affairs of the heart this moment, but the next minute, I found myself at a bottomless pit ... hearing voices from above shouting at me to give up whatever I am pursuing now. I told myself I'm deaf. I imagine the person I want to become.


Thursday, August 11, 2005

So Pai Seh ... ...

J was telling me to remind her to go parkway after work to collect something. I was thinking, "Cool .... so I should be accompanying her later... haha" But her friend called after lunch to ask her out. Anyway, was thinking she should be meeting her friend somehow at parkway then ... So my heart sank. But realised later that her friend was actually asking her out for another day. My hopes rose. Then towards the end of the working day, she asked another common close colleague, N, to go parkway with her. N did not want to. J tempted her with an ice-cream treat and did not work. So I was thinking, "Cannot let her ask me first right ..." So being thick skinned, I told her to treat me to ice-cream then. She said she don't want. N laughed .... .... Then I was like ... so malu .... heng, not many people around at the time .... So it was getting later and later. She decided to call her friend to go parkway with her, but her friend was too busy with work. So in the end, she said she would treat me to ice-cream .... .... My heart sank to the lowest point for the day .... You asked 2 people to go with you but they can't. Then I "offered" myself but you don't want .... Now 'cos nobody to go with you, so you are settling for whatever is on the plate lah .... In the end, go with her lor .... After settling her stuff, had dinner at the foodcourt .... then went to buy some lotion for herself .... We ended chilling out at the Mac Cafe .... There, we chatted many things .... at one point she asked if wanna watch the Dim Sum Dollies on Sat .... What? Did I hear wrongly? I had been asking her out for dates for donkey times and was rejected everytime .... So I asked was it because she has an extra ticket .... She said she was watching with friend. And mentioned something about the show almost fully booked .... And you still ask me ....????!??? I'm lost ... What do you want huh .... Please tell me .... Then she also mentioned she intend to hold her birthday celebration next month, probably inviting her close friends to some pub .... Then she would be flying off for her holidays immediately the day after her birthday .... Is she hinting something ....????

She wanted to buy something from Bengawan Solo tomorrow to treat her friends on Friday. Since she didn't treat me to any ice-cream 'cos we were too full and "Scoops" did not have many nice flavours left, she said remind her to buy the kuei lapis from Bengawan Solo tomorrow and she would treat me to ice-cream again .... Hmm ... so that means we should be going out again tomorrow .... *cross my fingers* .....

Somehow, I had a feeling that she at least had something for me in her heart. Maybe it is growing .... Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me again ....

I was wearing a new shirt from Zara, quite nice she said .... Asked where I bought it ... told her to guess .... She guessed Zara after a few tries .... She knew I usually wear G2000 shirts ... hahaha ... so she asked how come suddenly buy from there .... Could she be finding out if I had shopped with another girl? Ah .... feel like expressing my feelings to her ..... soon .... feeling that the timing is ripe now .... maybe God will kindly present an opportunity for me tomorrow and open up my eyes to recognize, grab it and turn it into gold? I think she must have known my feelings all along .... just that I have not expressed to her .... I don't know how she really feel for me .... But all I ask is for a good chance to tell her "I like you" that's all .... just to let her know .... I won't expect any immediate or delay reply since it's understandable .... regardless, we are still colleagues, we are still friends so don't expect any response .... the aim is to let her know of my feelings for her .... at least la. 'Cos I already know from another source that I am not in her rankings at all .... ....