Tales of whoever, whatever

"Setbacks are the opportunity to grow, to transcend, to stumble onto a better way"

Location: Singapore

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I'm an asshole

Can't believe I told her "let's be just colleagues, no more than that. (Not even good friends, until the day comes on its own)" ... ... I know I'm an asshole by doing that, but I also know her images and her conversations will keep popping out of my head constantly until a day when I can get over her. The fact that we are working in the same office with her seating beside me doesn't help a single bit. I could pretend everything is okay, get hurt now and then, finally healing in the secret .... But I chose this route.

I can no longer
stay late in the office with you so that you are not the last to lock up the office
go to the gym with you after working late, I know you need a company
listen to your complaints at work and KMS giving you PMS
help you with your work when you can't complete on time or busy
guide you in the right approach for your paper to higher management
walk you back home late at night after all the suppers after gym
get you food to eat after work, knowing you like fries and fried food but afraid of getting fat
drink coffee with you as and when you need a break
hear you telling me how much weight you have lost and how much more to go
tell you I'll be there for you
tell you how much I miss you when you are not around or when I'm away

I can no longer do this b'cos sadly, I know I'm not the One for you as you told me. I can no longer do this b'cos I know there are at least two people out there who can fulfil the above and much more than me...

I guess I'm hurting her by moving away from this friendships .... she told me she cherished it alot... ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I'll rather I have never met you in my life if I know I will hurt you one day... ... But I know you are a strong girl. You will move on easily b'cos you know I hold no special place in your heart before. And the memories of me can be erased in a matter of days ... ... That's why I'm moving away ... ... Better than having you being very cautious when we talk or do .... not to give any ideas to me .... until the day when I know I can forget about the idea .... I can become very good friends with you again ... ...

I'm hurt too, no less than you... ... If I could turn back the clocks ... ...


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